‘FAIR’ SHARE IN HUSBAND’s PROPERTY ON DIVORCE How fair?

Yes, the woman of 21^st century has changed. She can spread her wings and fly. If she doesn’t have the wings, she will look for the broom. But she will find out a way. We’re corny women of today. We do not sit and cry when things go wrong, we step out and get over it. We are educated – we deal with it in a better way. We laugh it off. We do not cry over the spilled wine. We just say – May God kick your ass in the best possible way. We don’t whine, we wine. We stand up for our men but we sit with our girlfriends.

The first time ever we are talking about wife’s share in husband’s property on divorce. The recent amendment is too vague. I know, we can never have a law which satisfies everyone. The harsh reality is that the inequality exists – the gender inequality and not in a particular strata of society but everywhere in some or the other way.

We are a country where we constantly talk about gender neutrality and progressive laws and we are on the brink of passing an extremely regressive law saying a woman needs financial security and in turn, we are jeopardising man’s social security and this would compromise his financial security as well putting the entire burden on a man. But then forget about property, women do not even get maintenance allowance in most of the cases.

Are we trying to make marriage a crime for men and women? We cannot rule out the possibility of educated and adulterous women get maintenance as well as get rid of the husband and live with someone else or marry someone else. When a man can leave you for another woman, so can a woman. Let’s accept it. Our newspapers are evidence of the fact that women have come out of that sati-savitri image and pati is no more a parmeshwar unless his name is Parmeshwar.

Now women will be getting a ‘fair’ share in the property of the husband on divorce. Let’s see if it’s actually a fair provision and to what extent when the exact quantum of compensation has been left to the discretion of the judge. Even if a woman decides to walk out from a few days marriage then she deserves a share in the property as much as a woman who gave herself to the relationship for 20 years. How fair is it for those women who made their marriage work for 20 or 30 long years and how fair is it for men to give away an equal share in their property to a woman who couldn’t stay for even few days? Unjust for both – men and women. This would open gates for women who want to misuse the law against their husbands. If the ancestral property cannot be divided then husband’s share should be calculated and wife should be given half the amount as compensation.  

And can you really compensate a woman for what she did for her husband and kids? Can you compensate for the love and care given in all those years? No matter how ambitious women of today are, we are women at the end of the day – we love men with all our heart and expect the same in return. We chase our dreams but we value relationships as well. I’m someone who doesn’t believe that it is only men who cheat in a relationship. We are all human. Anyone is capable of doing anything. Let’s not underestimate anyone.

Accept it or not, divorce is an emotional and financial disaster for most of the women.

Are we (women) really independent? Are we really equal or we just say it? Well, we aren’t. There are things which a woman can do but a man can’t and vice-versa. If we are really equal then husband also deserves a share in wife’s property. Ah! That’s nowhere mentioned. There can also be a case where wife has more to give than the husband.

This wasn’t enough - The Cabinet has also left it to the judge's discretion granting of divorce applied for under mutual consent after a three year period. There can be cases where when one party develops cold feet or changes his or her mind after applying for divorce under mutual consent clause. This can lead to unnecessary harassment of one party. So an amendment has been introduced to allow the judge to grant a divorce if one party does not appear in court.

India has widened grounds for divorce in last few decades. But the fact is that almost all Indian women experience a sharp fall in standard of living on separation and divorce. This has consistently been ignored by our policymakers. But now laws are coming to their rescue: For the first time ever, the nation is deliberating over legal changes that propose to accord women new equality with men on property rights and lifestyle post-divorce.

Those who say educated women shouldn’t be given any share. What about women who are educated and they are told to take care of their children because they are married in families financially well off. They don’t go out to work for 20 yrs. They just attend page 3 parties. What are they left with after divorce? Despite the qualification, no one would give them a job. Moreover, they also have to give up the kind of lifestyle that they got used to in the past few years.

The cabinet cleared amendments to the Marriage Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2010. It approved a provision ensuring compensation for the wife and children from the immovable property of the husband in case of a divorce, with the amount to be decided by the court. It also proposed to empower the courts to decide the compensation amount from the husband’s inherited and inheritable property for the wife and children once the marriage legally ends. A new section, 13 (f), has been added for this.

There had been disagreement over whether a woman should have right over property acquired by her husband after marriage only or over his inherited property too. Another proposal was approved by the Cabinet which gave woman the right to oppose her husband’s plea for divorce under “irretrievable breakdown of marriage” clause. The husband has not been given any such right.

A proposal to provide for a quick no-fault divorce after three years of separation was also approved. The proposal allows courts to exercise discretion in granting divorce after three years if one partner does not move a second joint application for divorce with mutual consent.

Live in relationships are also not an alternative as there also a women does not have any set responsibility or conduct. Women still get maintenance from their live-in boyfriends under the Domestic Violence Act. Their children get maintenance from him. Also if the woman decides to take revenge, this will invite rape charges against the man. Punishment for rape is even more stringent today after so many cases have been reported recently. Personally, I do not think live-in relationships are anyway a good idea. A man who loves you wouldn’t mind marrying you.

This is just going to make people resort to ways to hide their property by putting it in the name of other family members, people will find a way out and the woman will be denied her rightful share in her husband’s property.

This legislation is likely to rape men legally and financially. But like I said before - forget property, some women do not even get a maintenance allowance. This is a confused piece of legislation which has confused me. We are still where we were - nowhere. Let’s not forget that this is INDIA, there are n number of ways to not disclose income or property. All this is just going to entangle the woman in extended litigation involving the families as well. I don’t know if it’s fair or unfair but we need a law which is equitable for women without extorting anything from men.

(My personal views are mine. You’re entitled to your own opinion.)

END OF CIVILISATION

Mayans predicted the end of civilization on this Christmas. They were right. We can’t call ourselves civilized  We are a country of animals who so not believe that a woman is very much a human being, she too has a right to life. It's not just another incident, it's a trend our country is following. Where people were protesting against this incident in various parts of the country and demanding death sentence for the Rapists – another woman got raped by three men and was thrown somewhere in South Delhi after being raped. Right to Life – the basis of all other rights – Does our Government know that? I doubt. Their funda is ‘hear nothing, speak nothing and say nothing’. It’s a government of the people and by the people – we chose them. It’s a government for the people – it promotes rape. It’s not anybody’s failure. It’s our failure. Why are we blaming others? Putting a black dot of shame on profile pictures will not help. We need to take things more seriously. We brought this government into power. We will again bring them into power. We have women like Sonia Gandhi to take care of our nation. The woman who never broke her silence on any such incident and our Prime Minister – if you see him on Television, you will not be able to distinguish between his video and photo. He finally broke his maun vrat and said “for us to ensure that her death will not have been in vain”. Does that mean a person has to die to get justice else he/she will not be heard. Yes – for justice in India – first of all you have to die and then your soul has to wait for years until your criminal is sentenced to death. In our country, the victim is left to die and the criminals are fed in the jails. As long as we have such people in power – these incidents will never stop. Why are we just angry over Damini’s death? There are so many Daminis who die every day. There are so many of them who suffer in silence. So many cases go unreported. Doctors said 'she died peacefully'. Would you call it a peaceful death or a painful death? 

Our police is always sleeping when such a crime is taking place anywhere but becomes active when people start demanding justice by way of protests. The innocent protestors are driven away by force, tear gas is used on them, lathi blows are given to them. We should be so proud of our nation. We talk about culture and values – What do we call our culture? RAPE CULTURE. You can get raped but you can't protest against rape. This is world's largest democracy. 

The only solution that the government has is telling woman not to step out. They wouldn’t do anything about the safety and security of women. Rather these are the incidents where people or politicians in making try to gain popularity. They call the masses protesting as women coming ‘dented and painted’ who go from discos to demonstrations. They say – Candle march is a new fashion. Some say - Women should surrender because at least it would save their intestine. Some say – Dress up properly, don't tempt men. But then why are women wearing suits covering them from head to toe are raped. Where is it mentioned that women who dress in an attractive way or go to discos or go watch movies have less human rights available to them.  Where is it mentioned that women who are modern do not care about their modesty and give an invitation to men to rape them. Educated or uneducated, modern or conservative, attractive or not so attractive, high class or middle class, of any age has a right to step out of her house without the fear of violence. People who make such lame statements are the abettors. They too should be given the same punishment as rapists. Right of private defence is available to us but how easy it is for a woman to attack six men raping her. Women aren’t physically that strong.

Well, everyone is asking for death sentence for such rapists but I think death sentence isn't going to create any fear in the minds of such anti-social animals. It will be an easy death to such animals who don't fear anything. They need mind cleansing. All we can do is make arrangements for the safety and security for everyone and everyone includes everyone - women, children and men too! Little things will make a lot of difference like

1. Women and children should be dropped till their house. 

2. No woman should be asked to stay at the workplace beyond her working hours. 
3. Police should change its behaviour - they are the ones we fear more so we don't approach them whenever we face any such incident of eve-teasing. Half of the rapes take place in police custody by the policemen. The way police officers behave should be really checked. 

4. Everyone should respect women because our kids are going to learn from what we teach them. If we do not show respect for our fellow beings then they will never.

5. Keep a pepper spray with you.

6. Inform your parents when going out late at night. If you tell parents that you have to attend a party and you would get late - they understand. My parents do. Parents don't have a problem if you go for night outs - all they are worried about is your safety. Avoid taking autos. Cabs are much safer (That's what I feel). Note down the number and send it to your sibling/friend/parents. Keep their number on speed dial.

and yeah, totally irrelevant to mention here but I would - there's no such thing as peer pressure - Do not drink or smoke if you don't feel like - just because your friends do it - nobody can force you to take up things you don't want to - they would still accept you and they would still love you. Going to Clubs doesn't mean you have to take up drinking and smoking - you have a choice and choice means that it's going to be your decision. 

I would call these people animals and not human but then even we are at fault. We too should act responsible. Because Govt. will not be affected. It's our life which will be ruined. It’s not bad to get westernised. But westernisation means adopting good things from the western culture. I was never a supporter of live-in relationships. Our country did promote live-in relationships where half of them result in sexual violence and men are free to walk out any time they feel like. A man who loves you wouldn’t mind taking out a day from his busy schedule to get married to you. There are so many other things that are not working out for a nation like ours. 

Shame on all of us who be a witness to eve-teasing and other such incidents and do nothing at that moment to  help women. We are to be blamed equally. We promote these animals. It’s a wake up call for our government and for us too. Otherwise female infanticide would again be the only option for parents as this will be the only way to protect their daughters. Hope our government wakes up soon. But till then we should take measures for our own safety. Such trauma can never be undone. The one who faces it, knows better than all of us. The girl has not died. She has gone to another place where she'll be safe and never be raped again.

Hope 2013 and all the coming years bring with it safety and security of all the citizens.
Wish you all a happy and a safe new year! May you and your loved ones be showered with lots of love and happiness. 

They say - Dress properly. Don’t tempt men.

Are we waiting for a super-hero to save us?

A batman or spiderman or our very own bollywood’s creation - Krishh.

We need to wake up.

No one will come to rescue us.

It’s not a bollywood movie going on where villains are raping the heroine.

Someone’s life is at stake.

Every time a heinous crime like gang rape is reported, we sit in front of the TV whole day. That has not helped so far in any way. We need to raise our voice. Why? Because anyone of us can be the next victim.

Candle march for 2-3 days after such an incident takes place isn't going to prevent crime. We should fight till we get justice. Show these so called men that we aren't the weaker sex - No means No. 

And yeah, carry Pepper Spray. Learn to hit them real hard. 

They say - Dress properly. Don’t tempt men.

Learn to dress properly. Rape will decline. And what not.

People get punished for writing status messages on facebook but not for making such statements. We live in a country where we have freedom of speech and expression. Complete freedom with no restrictions is only given to people who run our country. They can say whatever they want to - be it right or wrong. 

They need to be told that no matter what women wear, women don’t deserve to be raped.

A woman’s skirt is not an invitation for a man to rape her.

When a four year old is raped in our country, who do we blame – her clothes? Is it because a four year old was not decently dressed?

Don’t tell me that women who wear salwar suits are not raped.

The problem isn’t with what women wear. The problem is with what lies inside a human brain. The dirty human mind full of ugly thoughts which become his actions – the shameful actions.

When you cannot justify your behaviour then blame women for wearing improper clothes but never blame these men for having done such disgraceful act because he a man and he can do whatever he wants to. After all, it’s a man’s world.

You really want to know who is at fault – The parents who brought them up, The teachers who taught them and The friends who encouraged them. You people are abettors.

Making laws stringent will not help. We already have laws.

A law cannot do mind cleansing. A law cannot teach you values. A law cannot teach you to respect women.

It’s never too late to stand up for what is right.

Hope justice prevails and the victim survives.

June - whattay taxing month!

I was just cogitating upon the meaning of life and that reminded me of my blog. Hope you all are doing great. Life’s treating me pretty well and not so well at the same time as of late, am juggling with too many things and too little time to handle it all together – PhD entrance tests, interviews and what not. Few days back I was calling myself a clinomaniac but good days don’t last long and these days am up with the birds, rather am forced to get up early being at home. By 5:00 am, am on the track for running. This isn’t it – healthy diet that my parents have imposed on me. Your immense love for food only grows when you are asked to stay away from pizzas, lasagne, chocolate mousse and blah blah. Chicken Lasange reminds me of Hyderabad – Ten Downing Street : ) How much I miss the place. Ah! Gluttony is a deadly sin. My kids are going to be fat and lazy.

June has been quite taxing and to make it worse, super-hot. I thought after submitting my dissertation that I have crossed one hurdle but to my disappointment, we were all made to submit it again as per the new guidelines. By the end of the re-submission, I was totally enervated physically and mentally. But the major thing was still pending – the Viva : ) I was quite perplexed about the kind of questions that will be asked – gave me countless sleepless nights because I had no option but to do well. I kept reminding myself that no human is Omni competent. Finally 15^th June arrived, all I was hoping for was a scintillating viva though I was getting that jumpy feeling like the one I use to get before the exams in school days. Lot of people who came out of the viva room were cagey about what happened inside. My viva went on for good 30 minutes. I was satisfied and my dissertation was liked by the external interviewer. I came out of the room palpitating with joy. How could it all end without a good lunch and shopping : ) Btw, it was donuts day too! : ) I had my favourite double trouble.

Double Trouble on a Donuts Day! : )

By the way, am bubbling with excitement to share something with you – I am done with my Masters (LL.M.) and that too with a Gold Medal : ) I was totally geeked when I heard the result. I broke my neck to get here. But in the end, it’s all worth : ) The credit goes to my family, teachers and friends for always believing in me and for putting up with my terrible mood swings which I use to get being under pressure.

I thought after LL.M. would be over – I would take a much needed long vacation to Goa with friends but then it isn’t the right time :D I planned to join Salsa classes and what not before the viva but as they say, things never go as per your plan. It is not the time to swerve from the chosen path. The thought of entrance tests and interviews lined up soon is a great goad for me to work hard. I am full of grandiose ambitions for the future. Time to pull up my socks as these lackadaisical efforts are not going to get me anywhere. My preparation for the tests is still in its embryonic stage so I better forget about the holiday in Goa.

Btw, it might just rain tonight. The joy of a coffee and desserts with friends on a rainy day is what I’m going to miss. Oh! Yeah, I have fallen in love with this track from Cocktail – Jag mujhpe lagaye pabandi, main hoon hi nahi iss duniya ki : ) The beat of the music is strangely hypnotic. With such hopeless movies releasing in the past few weeks, all I did was watch few at home – We bought a zoo ( a cute one), Click and Almost Famous. What I am desperately waiting for is a good movie to release but this time for a change I’m going to watch a Punjabi movie – Jatt & Juliet which is releasing on this friday. Will come up with review soon : )

Have a rocking day tomorrow! : ) 

For the parents, we so dearly love!

I have a story to tell

It’s a special day, not for you both but for us as well

For all the thoughtful things both of you did for us

To tell you how much we love - words will always be less

You both held our hand

Gave us strength to stand

On our tiny feet

Thanks for always being sweet

With you both on our side

Life has always been a roller coaster ride

The best parents we could have ever asked for. You both are the reason why we believe in love, and why we respect relationships. How you guys have been our best friend and we still know how to behave ourselves – but that’s because we are perfect kids you could have asked for. How entertaining we all are - how we pull each other’s leg – touchwood* a perfect family we are. Both of you are very entertaining when you fight : ) What a perfect balance – Papa being so chilled out all the time and Mumma is chinta.com :D

Happy Anniversary to a great couple who clearly belong together. You are truly an inspiration. Congratulations on your anniversary!J Cheers to your 26 yrs of togetherness. Wish you many many more : ) 

Love 

Astha-Arush <3 

‘World Autism Awareness Day’

It’s World Autism Awareness Day today. The United Nations General Assembly unanimously declared 2nd April as World Autism Awareness Day to highlight the need to help improve the lives of children and adults who suffer from the disorder so they can lead full and meaningful lives.

Autism is a developmental disorder that appears in the first 3 years of life and affects the brain's normal development of social and communication skills. All we need to understand is that a child with autism develops differently.

Here are a few things we ought to keep in mind about Autism: 

1. Autism is a neurological disorder, not a disease. Anyone, anywhere can be born with autism, irrespective of caste, creed, religion or nationality. It’s already hard for such a kid to cope up and we add to the problems rather than helping them out. They don’t ask for much. They just need acceptance in the society. Treat them like you treat every other kid.

2. One out of every 110 children born today has Autism. But does that stop us from loving those innocent souls? Kids are beautiful, the way they are.

3. There is no known cause of autism, hence, no cure. But I guess, some of the countries claim to have a cure. But an early detection and immediate intensive therapy will help children overcome the challenges to a large extent.

4. Autism is a lifelong condition. But no matter the age, people with autism can improve. So let’s help them!

5. “Bad parenting” doesn't cause Autism. Parents should not be demoralized if they do not receive early intervention. 

6. Contrary to popular belief, less than 2% of autistic people have extraordinary talents. This means that they would also need help in basic day-to-day living.

7. Family members should together try and imbibe techniques of working and interacting with autistic children or adults.

8. Autistic people face discrimination for no fault of theirs. Ultimately, the key to successful management of autism is the acceptance of a child the way he or she is by the parents and the community at large.

Education, Awareness and Sensitivity – That’s all we require.

My secret recipe of happiness

Yes, there’s a secret recipe to everything you want – some secret ingredients. What we miss in the recipe is empowering and sharing with others. Share it because everyone in this world absolutely deserves every joy they imagine. Your thoughts become things. Think about things you want and not about the ones you don’t. You get whatever you focus on. If you focus on something with passion, you get it even faster. You are a magnet. You can attract things so attract happiness. You are the masterpiece of your own thoughts. Never complain. Never ever say I wish I had a big house like them. Ask for what makes you happy, not what others have. Comparison would always lead to disappointment. Be happy with yourself because if you cannot love yourself, nobody else ever will. Feel the joy around you. Feel the love around you even if it’s not there. Do anything that makes you happy. My funda like I always say – One life then why think twice before pampering yourself.

It depends on you as to how effectively you use the secret. You will only understand the power that exists within you once you follow it. It’s like every time you ask for something, the Universe says – Your wish is my command : ) and next time when you say I doubt if it will ever happen or I cannot do it. The Universe again says – Your wish is my command and you never get it. Your thoughts are the reason why it didn’t happen.

There are three steps:

1. ASK what you want? Make sure it is in the present tense. Don’t complicate things. Life is pretty simple so let it be simple : ) Don’t worry about how you will achieve it. First be sure of what you want. Once you know what you want, the work is half done.
2. ANSWER by the Universe. Universe decides to give it to you. There are no such things as accidents in life. It’s all designed so leave it on Universe.
3. RECEIVE – Bring yourself in alignment with what you are asking for. The way you feel is everything. Make sure you don’t sleep over opportunities. 

Get Going : ) Universe likes speed. Don’t delay. Don’t second guess. Don’t doubt. You will see the miracle in progress. Take the first step into faith. You don’t see the whole stair-case. You just need the first step and you know you would be where you wanted to be. There are no rules with Universe. You want it now – You get it now. All we are is the result of our thoughts. Feel grateful for what you have. Appreciate people and you would see that they turn out to be even better than you expected. All you got to do is VISUALIZE and things will MATERIALIZE. Dwell upon the end result. Feel the joy and happiness, no matter how silly it seems. What this power is, I have no idea. All I know is that it lives somewhere within you. At least, I get things when I want them badly : ) Universe isn’t partial and am blessed : ) Touchwood*

Imagination is everything. Trust your thoughts and act on them. Be clear about what you want from the catalogue of Universe. Never say things like I cannot do it, I will not be able to do it, he/she will not let me do it, I cannot afford to.

Being wealthy would bring happiness. Wealth is a mind-set. It is not about just having lots of money or being financially secure. Its about having things like perfect health, incredible relationships, a career we love, stability, a life filled with love and lots of happiness. Life of our dreams is always closer than what we think but we need to have faith. Trust yourself and see the magic :) Free yourself from the clutches. You are the only one who creates your reality. If you aren’t well, never ever say I cannot get better. Say – There’s nothing in this world that can stop me to get better. I have to live for my loved ones. They need me. There’s something called self-healing. Let the power within you fight. There are two things you can do when you are sick – Feel painful and Feel hopeful. Choice is yours : ) because ultimately man becomes what he thinks about.

Tell yourself that there’s more than enough good around you, enough love and joy around you. See it. Believe it. It will show itself. Put in your best efforts.

God is the energy that exists in the Universe – cannot be created and cannot be destroyed. All we have is faith that something exists upon which everything rests. No one has ever seen God or energy. It’s the faith that keeps us going.

Whatever your past ‘was’. Let is be ‘was’ and not effect your present or future. You have had a bad childhood or survived a financial crisis or bad health or have been unemployed for years – let that rest in past. The question is what you are going to do now? You can begin from wherever you are. Everything will start getting better from this moment. Never say – I can’t : ) Delete these words from the dictionary of your life. Make your own dictionary with things like hope, love, happiness, joy. Tell yourself - When the others can, why can’t I? I am smart, talented and beautiful. Beauty is not just about looks. Had it been just about looking beautiful then only good-looking people would have been impressive but that’s not the case. We are unlimited beings. Our talent and hard work has no limits. God has not written your purpose or mission in life. Ask yourself – what is your purpose? Set you goals. Act upon them. If it ain’t fun then don’t do it. Do things that you love – don’t hold yourself back. Do what gives you joy. Life is phenomenal. It’s a magnificent trip. I see a future of unbound potential and possibilities.

Understand the secret. Monitor your thoughts. Think positive always. You are here because you wanted to be in this world. Dream your plans and then plan your dreams. Sustain your very existence.

Feel Good : )

Have a good day! Use the secret : ) Love yourself. Remember – you are a star. You got to shine.

Have a happy week ahead :) 

Love! xoxo